Selfish
by Chaeann Bourne
Summary: Was it selfish? A little one-shot of Hichigo's first words to Ichigo after Ichigo regains his shinigami powers.


Selfish

"I used to hate you…I used to feel the deepest sense of disgust when I stared into your eyes as they glared at me. You looked down on me like I was nothing. You hated my very existence. I hated your existence just as much. I hated my companion finding him annoying. I hated how it would rain and then the sun would shine and glint off of everything. I hated all these things with a passion that would burn in the most tormented of hearts.

I felt all of these were absolute truths until I was locked in darkness for so long that I lost count of days and time. I only recall the water slowly rising and it felt as if I was being suffocated. I couldn't see anything I could only feel the water rise as the rain pelted my face. Once it was past my head I could only hear the subtle signs of the rain hitting the top of the water until the sea had become so deep that I couldn't hear anything at all. That was how I came to measure time in the darkness. As ridiculous as this may sound I began to dream at one point and the first thing I saw were you and my companion. I had been so angered and hurt by your leaving and I didn't understand why. Then as the darkness wore on I began to wish I was with my companion and I longed to hear his voice as he contemplated things. I missed your thoughts and how they would sometimes cause small showers. I missed how the sun warmed me as it reflected off the mirror like windows of the building that my companion and I called home. I began to miss everything even our fights where ultimately I would lose.

Now though I can see the sunlight again. The rain it has stopped and now I can see…I can see my companion standing on the roof above me looking out into the wide advances of skies basking in the warm embrace of the sunlight that was nearly blinding. I know you can hear me now as I am thinking all these things.

I realize I am selfish…would you like to know why? I'm selfish because now I am going to stay loyal...loyalty is the only way for me to stay alive. Without you we are nothing. We can do nothing without you so we willingly will give you every part of ourselves if only to stay alive by keeping you alive. We will protect you because we wish to maintain our own existence. You can hear me you can acknowledge what I am saying so you must understand me when I say that I don't mind much being the horse to you. I don't mind that you are the king…in fact I'm glad I'm not the king because I would have you and my companion relying on me to stay alive and you are much better suited to protect people and have them rely on you than I am. In order to stay alive now I will give you everything…including my mask. The mask which you so despised until this moment you may have complete control over and I will not stop you because I am selfish. I wish for a life here with the sun and the rain, with my companion, with my existence meaning I must keep you safe, and if I were to die I would only wish my last moments to be in this place standing beside you instead of against you because I am selfish.

For once I am glad to see you face and here your voice echoing in my inner world. For once I am glad that you are willingly relying on my power and I don't feel used. For once I am glad to be protecting your body and offering you my ability to heal even if it is relatively slow. For once I have realized that being tied to your soul so deeply, just as my companion is, may not be so bad because in reality if I were not tied to you I may have already been hunted down by some unknown and slaughtered. You protect me without even knowing it and yet I always hated being here in the safety. Now I cherish my safety and recognize that you use my power before everyone unabashed by their looks upon it and not caring what they may think. You feel that I am a part of you as much as you are a part of me. I resemble you and of that I am proud...for once. Are all of these things true because I am selfish? Perhaps…but still I'm glad to be the selfish creature I have become because I will be too stubborn to allow you to die and if that means taking over your body when you die as I have done before and allowing you to regenerate then so be it! I will not allow you to die ever. Why you ask? The answer is relatively simply…I am a hollow…I am your hollow and I am selfish. So please from now on, when you are using either of our power, be as selfish as I am because neither of us can bear to be apart from you after the darkness that we had been contained in." I'm glad I said all of that so that if we were to die and be away from him he knew that I had not stopped him for never using my abilities.

His voice enters around us and I feel like it is heaven sent because I had actually missed his voice. It was strong, controlled, and yet I could still tell how he felt about having us back because the sun still shined, and the rain did not fall even one drop at a time. It was peaceful and the heat began to dry the wetness that had enveloped Zangetsu and I. "Good…then I too will be selfish and rely on the two of you to keep me safe…shall we?"

Zangetsu and I nod feeling the tell tale drawl of our powers being called upon and he turn to one another before turning our faces to bask in the sun allowing him to take us and our abilities into himself and use them for battles.

**3****rd**** person omniscient**

The soul reaper that was once a human with not an inclining of happiness due to the pair he lost stood tall and proud his body visibly strengthened. Other looked on amazement left in their wondrous eyes. His sword shudders as his fingers rake over his face and a mask, unlike the one he wore before, appear down his face. It was demonic, like it had been ripped from the bottom of hueceo mundo itself, with two long protruding horns and markings of bloody red along his face. This was the shinigami's true vaizado mask and he would forever be using it while protecting the lives of the two he would never once leave again. If he had to died and return to the Seireitei then he would willingly go with his hollow binding the other being to his soul as entirely as he had his own zanpakuto. They were a part of him and he would not allow them to return to that darkness again…not ever. He would not allow this because he wished to protect those he loved and because he enjoyed being the one to fight instead of having others fight for him. He did this because he was undoubtedly and undeniably selfish.


End file.
